36 Signs You Went To Fordham University

EDIT: Now to be actually found on BuzzFeed! Man, was I wrong about this not catching on over there.

So lately, one BuzzFeed post that’s been showing up on my radar has been that “30 Signs You Went To NYU.” It’s like, kind of rude, like BuzzFeed knows back when I was applying to college (aka the Stone Age) (okay that’s an exaggeration, but that’s what it feels like), NYU was arguably my top choice and they waitlisted me because of  my C+ in Precalculus (that’s an assumption on my part but whatever). In the end it didn’t matter, because I ended up a way better, more fun and cooler school that I graduated from with… well. Less debt than NYU would’ve given me. I’m talking about the second-choice of NYU wannabes everywhere: Fordham University.

Here’s the thing though: we might arrive there as NYU wannabes, but we definitely don’t leave there like that. Nope, I am 110% ram forever and ever and if I did it all over (which I desperately want to) I would do it exactly the same. But this BuzzFeed post sparked an idea in me. Since I’m unemployed and living with my parents again, basically all I do is reminisce about being in college and how awesome it was an how much I miss it, so I feel like I can channel all of this into a similar list: 36 Signs You Went To Fordham. I doubt this would catch much attention on BuzzFeed simply because our student body is considerably smaller than NYU’s, but I have a feeling at least a couple of people I know will enjoy this.

Continue reading

Advertisements

What My OKCupid Profile Would Look Like If I Was Honest

okcupid

I’m a twenty-two year old single female with many single friends, and from that statement you can probably infer that OKCupid is a frequent topic of conversation. If you’re not of my demographic, or live under a rock, or are of my demographic but in an arranged marriage or any similar situation, OKCupid is a free dating website. Anyone and everyone can use it, although from my understanding it caters to a more 20-something crowd (doesn’t mean there’s not creepy old dudes–or ladies #equality–trolling on there though). Now, like I said, OKCupid tends to come up a lot in conversation amongst friends and acquaintances. As a disclaimer, I’m not actually on OKCupid. I was once, about two years ago, for like 57 hours, but some of the messages were just too weird, so I am no longer (nope, instead I’m writing this blog in pajamas at 4:00 PM in bed eating a bowl of ice cream. I need more help than OKCupid can probably give me).

The other thing about OKCupid, or any online dating website or just social website in general, is that people lie on the Internet, which we’ve all learned from either personal experience or MTV’s Catfish. In some cases it’s pretty extreme (see: all episodes of Catfish so far this season) but in some ways it can be relatively innocuous. Obviously, when you’re looking for a relationship and making a first impression via the Internet, you’re going to highlight all your great qualities and take about 1,345 selfies from only good angles, while conveniently neglecting to list the fact that you’re a mouthbreather, that full-body picture is from two years and 20 pounds ago, or you have a weird laugh. We all do it, we just want the chance to snag a keeper with all of our fantastic personality traits before exposing them to the fact that we whine a lot and are a chronic double-texter.

But you know what? Honesty is the best policy. As (most) episodes of Catfish teach us, a good relationship can’t be built on Internet lies. So I wrote a hypothetical OKCupid profile for myself, based on the actual questions on the website, so that should I ever decide to dive back into the online dating world I can ensure that Nev and Max will never show up on my doorstep (although haaaay if you guys want to you totally can! #cuties).  Continue reading

A Cover Letter That Addresses My Actual, If Unmarketable, Skills

If you’re like me (I assume everyone who reads this blog, if anyone reads this blog, is like me) you are a recent college graduate, or about to be a college graduate, and you are spending or have spent hours of your life drafting, proofreading and sending out cover letters. Having to write cover letters is basically a fate worse than death. My personal process is somewhat similar to the process with which I wrote research papers in college: put a heading in a Word document, then scroll through Twitter, Facebook, BuzzFeed and Reddit for about an hour and a half, then go back and stare at the mostly-empty Word document, then lie face-down in bed yelling into a pillow “I HATE THIS NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO HIRE ME” for about twenty minutes, then go back and look at the job posting for awhile, then type an introductory paragraph, then lather, rinse, repeat. Personally, I dislike writing cover letters because it involves a few of my least favorite things: having to talk myself up (self-deprecation is not acceptable when trying to get a job, apparently), having to actually be professional and serious about something, and having to use buzz words and phrases like “strong communication skills” “multi-tasker” “detail-oriented” and “familiar with Microsoft Office.”

This has been my life since I graduated on May 18th (okay, that’s an exaggeration. I probably spent a good week and a half mourning the fact that having to make it somewhere [class] by ten am was no longer an acceptable reason to wear yoga pants in public and that in the real world you can’t just tell your advisor that you don’t like a job and you don’t need the credits so you’re dropping it). So to take the edge off my frustration, I wrote this, which I consider to be a real and honest cover letter that highlights my greatest skills (all of which are highly unmarketable). Click that little “read more” button then let me know if you would hire me. Continue reading