Okay, so, maybe I’m projecting, but I feel like we’re all pretty obsessed with Amanda Bynes right now. Am I right, or am I right? Ever since the year 2013 began, Amanda has been tweeting up a storm and getting progressively — seemingly — more insane. Personally, I didn’t hop on the Amanda Bynes Twitter Train until after the Gymnastics Incident in Chelsea, but I haven’t been able to get enough of it since. Now, all anyone these days ever talks about is how crazy she is, but I’m here to tell you to look deeper than TMZ! Believe Everything She Says On Twitter! A lot of what Amanda says is actually super relevant to our lives! Here’s why (in chronological order!):
If I’m not following you on twitter, I hate you
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) March 17, 2013
We all think it, Amanda is just honest about it. If I’m not following you on twitter, you’re probably annoying, dumb, can’t spell, use the acronym “smh,” think you’re way funnier than you actually are, or are racist. If I like you a little bit even at all, I will probably follow you on twitter (I might ignore your tweets, but I’ll follow you), so if I’m not following you, you can pretty much assume that I have no interest in what you have to say. Score one for Amanda, I one hundred percent agree with this tweet.
I can’t wait to go down on this food
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) April 13, 2013
Twitter was literally created so people could post boring comments about being excited to eat because it existed before Instagram brought about our ability to post filtered pictures of the food we’re so excited to eat. If you can’t relate to being excited to eat, who are you and why are you here.
All I want is a boyfriend who wants us to grow old and to get fat together.
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) April 24, 2013
This was the pinnacle of twitter for me. Like, we should’ve all just deleted the entire website after this because it is the Greatest And Most Relevant Tweet Of All Time. I’ve never seen everything I desire in a relationship so perfectly encapsulated in such a concise sentence.
I need Nicki Minaj’s wig person stat! 😛
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) May 25, 2013
Bad hair days. We all have them! Are you honestly going to tell me you’ve never looked in the mirror on the morning of a bad hair day and thought, “damn, if only I had Nicki Minaj’s wig person. All my problems would be solved. I would never have a bad hair day again!” Amanda just decided to put it on twitter.
Believe everything I say on twitter!
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) May 26, 2013
Twitter is basically the Bible of the new millenium. You should believe everything I say on twitter too. Why would any of us tweet things if we didn’t want our followers to believe them? This is the motto of the twitter generation.
This is my twitter. I say whatever I want. Thanks!
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) June 12, 2013
Same girl. No one censors our twitters!
Team No Old Photos
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) June 21, 2013
Preach. I know everyone is all about throwback Thursdays right now, but I know personally if I never had to see another pre-2008 photo of myself I would be A-OK with it!
If You’re Not With Me, Please Don’t Act Like You Are
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) June 26, 2013
Everyone has that weird creeper who is never invited anywhere but kind of follows them around and “accidentally” bumps into them at lunch and hangs out on the outskirts of the group at the bar, laughing at conversations they’re not really a part of. Thanks for telling that person to fuck off, Amanda.
Twitter Is High School For Adults
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) June 28, 2013
I don’t even know what the fuck this means but it’s brilliant and deep.
I Know I Love Drake Because If He Got Parkinson’s Or Got Into Some Sort Of Accident & He Looked Different He’d Still Be The Only One I Want
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) June 28, 2013
Who doesn’t use these qualifications as a measure of whether or not they truly love someone?
I Tweet What I Feel
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) June 29, 2013
When it comes down to it, isn’t twitter just one giant diary that is open for the entire world to see?
I Want A Million Dollars A Year For Illegally Having My Mind Read And Privacy Stolen
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) July 1, 2013
Ugh, I literally hate when people steal my privacy by illegally reading my mind. I’ve had some great ideas stolen that way (like the Snuggie, or Hot Buns**). So I get why Amanda wants a million dollars. I want a million dollars too! People have no right to read my mind, it’s so invasive. Is this part of that NSA thing?
(**I didn’t actually come up with the idea for Snuggies, or Hot Buns.)
I Hate Taking Pictures With A Broken Nose
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) July 9, 2013
I’ve never had a broken nose, but I hate taking pictures with an unbroken nose, so I feel like I can relate.
honestly, it makes life so much easier when you don’t have to worry about that silly shift key. have you tried it? you should, then you’ll totally get what amanda is talking about.
unfortunately twitter has a delete button, so my literal favorite thing that amanda ever tweeted can’t be embedded: in a rant directed towards e online circa april, amanda said “i tweet all day about nothing like everybody else on the planet!” and if that doesn’t capture the entire essence of twitter, i don’t know what does.
so, f the haters, amanda. keep tweeting, girl. (but please decide whether or not you think drake is hot, i can’t deal with the back and forth anymore).
for whining in 140 characters or less: @jillpell28
for a bunch of reblogged gifsets of harry styles: hashtagjill.tumblr.com
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