Pretty Little Liars Recap: A Is The Russian Mob!!


So I didn’t recap PLL last week because honestly, I’ve been rather bored with this season so far. But this week’s episode made up for some of that. Mostly because a new cop arrived in Rosewood and finally spoke everyone’s mind on the wardrobe situation.

-First, we must address Hannah’s atrocious wardrobe situation so far this season. She opens this episode wearing a blouse with ice cream treats on it. I can’t.

-A new state cop shows up with Officer Holbrook. Upon first seeing the Liars she says “If I dressed like that when I was in high school, my dad would’ve had a stroke.” THANK YOU! Finally. Although I think she was more referring to the fact that the girls dress like the twentysomethings they are in real life rather than the fact that most of their wardrobe is just ridiculous. But she’s not wrong; as a girl who grew up and went to public high school in the suburban Northeast, I can tell you that if they were going for reality these girls would be in Northfaces and Uggs every day.

-“Is your mom really going to Austria with that muffin man?” If that’s not a #BestofHannahMarin I don’t know what is. “I’m counting on A not having a passport,” Aria says, and clearly she’s learned nothing. A absolutely has passports from five countries.

-Wilden’s safe deposit box contains about a billion dollars in cash, two passports and a handgun with the serial number filed off. Totally not suspicious at all!

-Hannah is still wearing an ice cream blouse at this point but I guess you get kind of traumatized and make weird decisions when your mom (allegedly) kills a cop.

-Emily visits her doctor to try and get DSS to lay off as if that’s not the WORST idea in the history of America. Her doctor and everyone watching think her parents pressured her into it. In addition to frustrating her by not believing her, Dr. Vargas also crushes all Emily’s dreams and tells her she has a partially torn rotator cuff. Bye, Stanford.

-Hannah bonds with Detective Tanner over her bright blue stilettos (very functional for a cop) as she is doing stacks of casework on a park bench in the middle of town, as all normal detectives do. Hannah mentions how she thinks that maybe Wilden was “crooked, or in the Russian mob” or something. “Is there a lot of Russian mob activity in Rosewood?” Detective Tanner asks as if that’s an outlandish statement. What she doesn’t get is THIS IS ROSEWOOD! THERE PROBABLY IS A RUSSIAN MOB AT PLAY HERE!

-When they have to write Caleb off for the Ravenswood spinoff I will be so sad.

-LITTLE MALCOLM! Break my heart why don’t you! Miss u Ezra<3

-Jake and Aria have a ~deep~ conversation about her relationship with Ezra and make movie analogies and self-defense analogies and then Jake leaves and the whole situation was very inconclusive. Jake is really cute but can Ezra just come back?

-Ashley continues to make herself look guilty even to Hannah, but the bright spot in this is that Hannah is finally wearing an adorable color-blocked peplum top and it’s the best she’s looked all season.

-Toby meets his mother’s former psychiatrist up in Saratoga and God bless Keegan’s pretty eyes, amazing abs and sweet, sweet heart but if there’s one consistent thing about this show it’s his mediocre-at-best acting. It becomes clear that this psychiatrist is no longer of sound mind but of course, as Toby goes to leave, he mentions a mysterious blonde girl. Wonder who that is.

-Spencer and Aria plant the mask of Melissa’s face in her suitcase and film her reaction to seeing it, which Spencer narrates from Melissa’s point of view and the whole thing is just very awkward and uncomfortable.

-Emily fights with her parents over everything that’s going on. When she admits to talking to her doctor her dad yells “you are not to talk to that man!” and I feel like that’s a bit counterintuitive when you are trying to prove to DSS that you’re not an abusive family.

-Spencer, Aria and Melissa all wind up at Creepy Mask Dude’s workshop. Serious question, can anyone tell the difference between these masks? I can’t. These girls always seem to know exactly who it is immediately and I’m like, this could actually be a Justin Bieber mask and I wouldn’t even know.

-Spencer confronts Melissa on the dock and she admits that she’s wondered if Ali could still be alive too. This is where it gets all confusing because they decide to throw like 63 answers at us at the same time. Melissa admits they were “all” scared of Wilden, that she was only protecting Spencer, that she send Jenna and Shana to spy on the girls at the lodge (did we even know Jenna and Shana were there???), that it was Wilden who burned down the lodge. Then somehow from this whole conversation Spencer guesses that… MELISSA KILLED WILDEN?? She doesn’t admit it, but she doesn’t deny it either and honestly if she did I will like her like 30% more than I do now (which is 0%). Honestly I know there were a lot of answers here but all to really take away from this is LITERALLY NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE FUCK A IS.

Melissa runs away (probably to her internship) and Paige and Emily have a heart-to-heart at the pool at night which just screams bad idea. Someone calls the cops on Emily’s family about a domestic disturbance and Emily uses to word “shouting” and it reminds us all that Shay Mitchell is indeed Canadian. Hannah finally admits to Spencer and Aria that she thinks her mom killed Wilden and their teakettle screams dramatically to emphasize this point. Then A rebuilds one of the masks Melissa smashed–had to know that was going to come back and bite her. Amateur hour, Melissa, really.

So this was definitely the most exciting episode this season but I still feel like we have more questions than answers! Honestly all I really want to know is who all these masks are. Also, where was Mona this episode? And who actually killed Wilden? Was it a joint effort between Ashley and Melissa. That would actually be so amazing. Also, in the promo for next week, a car drives into Emily’s house. If you’re not so excited for that, I can’t relate to you. Could it be A behind the wheel?? I hope so!


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